Games On Film: Double Dragon(1994)

Double Dragon.

One of the simpliest and easiest games to ever adapt to film. Two brothers have their girlfriends kidnapped by a bunch of thugs, and its up to them to fight through a city of enemies to get them back. Its still a shock to me that it sill has not been adapted properly on film after all these years. I mean hell even the cartoon series based on the game didn't get it right and of all things took inspiration from this monstrosity instead. A monstrosity that is so horrendous and awful that most people don't even know of its existence.

I only know of it because I actually used to watch it quite a bit when I was a kid. Unlike Super Mario Bros. and Mortal Kombat, Double Dragon definitely does not hold up. It is just a cringe fest. The acting is atrocious, the fight scenes are pathetic, the story is a mess, its tone is all over the place, its boring, and its terminally lame.

I mean it even manages to do the impossible and make Alyssa Milano unattractive. I am not kidding. It chops off her hair and makes her look like a member of the Lori Petty fanclub. Oh and the less said about Robert Patrick and his shitty fade the better. Oh and speaking of shit. Abobo is in this and he literally looks like shit. If that isn't enough of a reason for you to stay away, I don't know what is.

If you want to see the Double Dragon movie done right, watch Showdown In Little Tokyo. Its basically the game but without Billy and Jimmy or the licensing. Its a shame that a bootleg rendition of the game's plot is a better adapation than the official one.

Skip Double Dragon and watch Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee kick some ass and eat sushi off some naked hookers. You will thank me later. Because as talented as Mark Dacascos is, he can't save this abomination from Scott Wolf and the rest of its putrid contents.

This film gets two cyclone kicks to the face.

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